Am I having a mid-life crisis?

A Worldwide Crisis

It’s basically not weird to be in a crisis at this moment, the whole world is. The coronavirus is affecting everybody around the globe. But my personal crisis had also (partly) occurred if there wasn’t a coronavirus in the world right now. Okay, maybe a mid-life crisis sounds very dramatic, that’s not really the phrase I am looking for. It’s more of a struggle. And today I want to share it with you, just to give a personal update on my life (now that I don’t share weekly diaries until August).

Choosing a Path

I used to never relate to this very common problem I am calling a crisis/struggle today. I currently don’t know where my life is going nor do I precisely know where I want it to go. That’s it. And I know it’s okay. As I said, it is very common for someone who is 21 years old. It is very common for young people to not know exactly what they want for the future. And at this point I don’t either. I’ll explain why.

Letting Go of Loose

There are two reasons for this existential crisis (Okay Romee, this sounds way too dramatic). 1. I gave up Loose in the beginning of this year. I had to make a tough decision. Was I going to hand over the concept of Loose or was I going to go through with it and make it a fight over customers. I chose to hand it over, this way the concept will have the greatest chance of survival in my opinion. I chose to hand it over and focus on different things in my life, my education for example. But since I was 16 I had been working on Loose and then all of a sudden, I quit. That made my path of life uncertain, because I had so many goals for Loose.

I was going to make The Netherlands go waste-free (yes, dream big they say). I had a path and thousands of ideas for Loose. This made life clear, I knew what my years ahead would be, finishing my education while expanding Loose. It was a goal, a dream. And when that dropped, I faced losing this feeling of belonging. What was my part in this life? Why am I here? What will I do? Loose was something to put my all in, my passion, it was my thing. But now that it is handed over (it sure will be a success, just without me), I feel like I need a new thing to fight for. A new ultimate goal.

what new goal?

But that’s also kind of weird, because I never just focussed on zero waste only. I have been focussing on so many more things over the past years. Veganism and animal rights, environmental problems, social problems and more. However, zero waste/Loose got the biggest effort and time. So, I guess it’s time for a new subject which gets the extra time that I got now. I don’t know, maybe it takes time, maybe it takes effort. Maybe life will lead me the way, maybe I will have to choose. At this point in time I just don’t know and that feels weird.

The Coronavirus

Then, secondly, I don’t know for sure if I am going to attend the master I was planning on in September. The coronavirus is hitting hard and schools are closed. If the information I got from the University is right, there will be online lessons from September 2020 till January 2021. I am not entirely sure, but this could be my last year of school. And I don’t want to spend it in a small room in a student house in Amsterdam with nowhere to go for 5 out of the entire 9 months of this master. It’s just not worth it. Business trips, social contacts, student association, it’s all a no-go. That’s no fun.

And so for now it’s a good chance that I will cancel my application and wait until September 2021. And that gives even more uncertainty. What I am going to do this next year then? It’s not that I don’t know my interests. I have a strong focus, sustainability. So it’s not like I still have to choose between becoming a doctor or any other profession. Sustainability, that’s what I want. But which job in this sector? I don’t know yet. And there are so many options and other things I want to do also! A job in the sustainability sector, activism, blogging, vlogging, making more video’s, politics, piano classes, handball, kickboxing and the list goes on.

Luxury

I have too many interests haha! I am motivated and curious, but it can sometimes be overwhelming too. I’ve had a plan all my life, it was school. From pre-school to high School to Facility Management to my pre-master and now all of sudden there’re all these options. I never had to think about it before and that’s why now I am struggling all of sudden. Corona might have put a temporary stop to this journey and that’s weird. Yes, it’s all just weird. I didn’t write this for pity, because if there’s anyone not severely affected by the coronavirus, it’s me. However, I did want to write this to tell the truth about my life and be honest. It’s just not always the way you plan, and that’s okay too.

What do you think? Am I having a mid-life crisis?

Yours sincerely,
Romee

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