Am I having a mid-life crisis?

A Worldwide Crisis

It’s basically not weird to be in a crisis at this moment, the whole world is. The coronavirus is affecting everybody around the globe. But my personal crisis had also (partly) occurred if there wasn’t a coronavirus in the world right now. Okay, maybe a mid-life crisis sounds very dramatic, that’s not really the phrase I am looking for. It’s more of a struggle. And today I want to share it with you, just to give a personal update on my life (now that I don’t share weekly diaries until August).

Choosing a Path

I used to never relate to this very common problem I am calling a crisis/struggle today. I currently don’t know where my life is going nor do I precisely know where I want it to go. That’s it. And I know it’s okay. As I said, it is very common for someone who is 21 years old. It is very common for young people to not know exactly what they want for the future. And at this point I don’t either. I’ll explain why.

Letting Go of Loose

There are two reasons for this existential crisis (Okay Romee, this sounds way to dramatic). 1. I gave up Loose in the beginning of this year. I had to make a tough decision. Was I going to hand over the concept of Loose or was I going to go through with it and make it a fight over customers. I chose to hand it over, this way the concept will have the greatest chance of survival in my opinion. I chose to hand it over and focus on different things in my life, my education for example. But since I was 16 I had been working on Loose and then all of a sudden, I quit. That made my path of life uncertain, because I had so many goals for Loose. I was going to make The Netherlands go waste-free (yes, dream big they say). I had a path and thousands of ideas for Loose. This made life clear, I knew what my years ahead would be, finishing my education while expanding Loose. It was a goal, a dream. And when that dropped, I faced losing this feeling of belonging. What was my part in this life? Why am I here? What will I do? Loose was something to put my all in, my passion, it was my thing. But now that it is handed over (it sure will be a success, just without me), I feel like I need a new thing to fight for. A new ultimate goal. But that’s also kind of weird, because I never just focussed on zero waste only. I have been focussing on so many more things over the past years. Veganism and animal rights, environmental problems, social problems and more. However, zero waste/Loose got the biggest effort and time. So, I guess it’s time for a new subject which gets the extra time that I got now. I don’t know, maybe it takes time, maybe it takes effort. Maybe life will lead me the way, maybe I will have to choose. At this point in time I just don’t know and that feels weird.

The Coronavirus

Then, secondly, I don’t know for sure if I am going to attend the master I was planning on in September. The coronavirus is hitting hard and schools are closed. If the information I got from the University is right, there will be online lessons from September 2020 till January 2021. I am not entirely sure, but this could be my last year of school. And I don’t want to spend it in a small room in a student house in Amsterdam with nowhere to go for 5 out of the entire 9 months of this master. It’s just not worth it. Business trips, social contacts, student association, it’s all a no-go. That’s no fun. And so for now it’s a good chance that I will cancel my application and wait until September 2021. And that gives even more uncertainty. What I am going to do this next year then? It’s not that I don’t know my interests. I have a strong focus, sustainability. So it’s not like I still have to choose between becoming a doctor or any other profession. Sustainability, that’s what I want. But which job in this sector? I don’t know yet. And there are so many options and other things I want to do also! A job in the sustainability sector, activism, blogging, vlogging, making more video’s, politics, piano classes, handball, kickboxing and the list goes on. I have too many interests haha! I am motivated and curious, but it can sometimes be overwhelming too. I’ve had a plan all my life, it was school. From pre-school to high School to Facility Management to my pre-master and now all of sudden there’re all these options. I never had to think about it before and that’s why now I am struggling all of sudden. Corona might have put a temporary stop to this journey and that’s weird. Yes, it’s all just weird.

I didn’t write this for pity, because if there’s anyone not severely affected by the coronavirus, it’s me. However, I did want to write this to tell the truth about my life and be honest. It’s just not always the way you plan, and that’s okay too.

Yours sincerely,
Romee